For a very long time, I had subscribed to the belief that our fathers do not need to be celebrated as much as our mothers, though somewhere in my heart, I knew fathers are as important as mothers.
Most of us who lose our fathers very early can attest to the fact that though our mothers do everything to make up for the absence of our fathers, there is a still some hunger for the physical presence of a father.
In my own case, there were countless times when I would ask why my father did not stay long enough for me to know how he would look when scolding me or striking my palms with a cane, when I go wrong. I would wish our dove-catching fun times together never ended.
The days I would sit in his laps struggling to run my fingers through his beard before he shaved it off are but memories that still linger.
After being bullied or teased by friends and classmates, I would sit quietly wishing I had my tall, strong and handsome daddy to run to with my complaint. But those wishes were never horses I could ride and with time, I started growing out of my “wishy-wishy dress”. The reality dawned on me that daddy will never come and I had better grow up.
My mother, like most widows played the role of the father so well that we (my brothers and I) forgot that there was need for a male parent and I say kudos to her for that. With time, I cared less when others talked about how wonderful their fathers were and what their fathers’ reaction would be towards something they did or did not do. I was gradually becoming a “mini” feminist. Though I had brothers, I didn’t really believe that the presence of a man was needed in running a family until my brother I was living with moved to another city.
He was and is still my father as I usually call him “daddy”. A few days after he left, it hit me hard that a vacuum has been created and that was when the wishing began again. I realised that enjoying fatherly love is also one special feeling on its own.
Before I decided to write this post, I put together some observations I made apart from my own personal feelings about The Father Factor. From my family, my neighbours, to the street, to the bus, to the office, to church, to my friends’ homes I have gathered a lot.
Let’s look at what the Bible says about being a Father? Going through the Bible, I would want to dwell on Ephesians 6:4, which says: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” To me, this is an all-inclusive instruction to fathers touching on the negative and the positive.
First, it warns fathers not to “provoke” their children. What does this mean?
It simply means that Fathers should not and must not foster negativity in their children though unreasonable display of authority, irresponsibility, partiality, cruelty, unexemplary habits or lifestyles and most of all, violence towards the mothers of their children. It again says that fathers should not incite negative attitudes in their children as actions usually attract reactions. Why do I say this? Fathers who usually shout at or beat up their kids mercilessly at the least misbehaviour or mistake breed some kind of hatred in the hearts of these kids. As the kid grows, he tends to either bully others or disrespect and talk back to elderly people including his father, though in a few cases too, such a child will grow up timid and have low self esteem.
Now the positive side of the Bible verse, “but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”, simply tells fathers to admonish, educate, discipline or rebuke constructively, encourage and train their children using the principles of the word of God. Love being the ultimate should never be absent in a father’s dealings with his kids. They should patiently and objectively correct their children, when they go wayward. A father’s conduct should give cause to his children wanting to be with him and be like him (Good Role Modelling).
For a while now, I have been paying keen attention to the relationship between fathers and their kids, especially the reaction of the kids at the sight of their fathers or when they are together. It is so interesting the different reactions I see. From the undesirable to the most adorable and lovely one, all I could do was smile.
In the world of the most adorable as I put it, some fathers would have to struggle with their kids every day before they leave home for work because the kids won’t let them out of their sight. They would scream so hard that even their fathers found it difficult to leave and when they finally step out of the house, you would see “frustration” written all over their faces. They would miss their little ones when they are out there at work.
On days when father and child get to spend time together, child would be all over daddy’s laps and ask endless questions. Some of which daddy can answer and for others, he’d have to forge answers. One can see the display of in-depth love and joy as the child flashes his or her tiny teeth with giggles and smiles.
On the bus and in the church, daddy would let little one sit beside him and when it’s time for offertory, he would give the little one his or her share to offer. After stretching the little body in order to drop the offering in the bowl, the little one would come running happily to hug daddy’s legs.
The older ones would help daddy in fixing his bicycle or car or any faulty gadget, play games together or even argue over various issues especially, politics. It is just a humbling sight when you see a child apologising to the parents after daddy had patiently pointed out his or her wrongdoings. This is the ideal relationship between a father and his family.
Now, in the world of the undesirable however, there is always tension as daddy won’t even want to carry child when he or she is crying. He would rather “roar” at his teenage child who asks him for some money to purchase books or tries to be inquisitive about something.
The day this child mistakenly breaks something, his or her body will be redesigned with cane or belt marks. As for his wife, the mother of his children, she has no right to even defend her own child because she won’t be spared her own share of beatings when she just delays in making his meal ready. These fathers even hate it when their children offer to help them with something so he would not even create the atmosphere for conversations with his family. The effect of having such a father is quite obvious to us all. Either the cycle continues with their sons being bullies like them or timid and /or the daughters end up disliking men.
We do not need to allow the cycle of hatred and disrespect for fathers continue. Our men also have let go of the age old belief that: “A man has to be ugly and fearful.” Look, being fearful as a man does not afford you any respect; neither does it make you more powerful. To me it shows weakness hiding behind the mask of wickedness.
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I therefore impress upon all men, young or old to work towards being a father to children, be it biological or not. Be the Father Factor to someone and most vices will be reduced in our society because love will be the basis of every child’s upbringing.
My understanding of who a FATHER should be is, He is:
- a Protector
- a Shelter
- a Guide
- a Counsellor
- a Teacher
- a Role Model
- a Pillar of Strength
- the Spring of Love
and
- the Root of all Existence
If all Fathers will live to religiously and sincerely play the above roles as they were originally mandated, nobody will have any excuse not to appreciate them as they should and Fathers’ Day celebrations will attract more participation than before.
STRIVE TO BE THE BEST FATHER GUYS....
Much Love & Peace
Most of us who lose our fathers very early can attest to the fact that though our mothers do everything to make up for the absence of our fathers, there is a still some hunger for the physical presence of a father.
In my own case, there were countless times when I would ask why my father did not stay long enough for me to know how he would look when scolding me or striking my palms with a cane, when I go wrong. I would wish our dove-catching fun times together never ended.
The days I would sit in his laps struggling to run my fingers through his beard before he shaved it off are but memories that still linger.
After being bullied or teased by friends and classmates, I would sit quietly wishing I had my tall, strong and handsome daddy to run to with my complaint. But those wishes were never horses I could ride and with time, I started growing out of my “wishy-wishy dress”. The reality dawned on me that daddy will never come and I had better grow up.
My mother, like most widows played the role of the father so well that we (my brothers and I) forgot that there was need for a male parent and I say kudos to her for that. With time, I cared less when others talked about how wonderful their fathers were and what their fathers’ reaction would be towards something they did or did not do. I was gradually becoming a “mini” feminist. Though I had brothers, I didn’t really believe that the presence of a man was needed in running a family until my brother I was living with moved to another city.
He was and is still my father as I usually call him “daddy”. A few days after he left, it hit me hard that a vacuum has been created and that was when the wishing began again. I realised that enjoying fatherly love is also one special feeling on its own.
Before I decided to write this post, I put together some observations I made apart from my own personal feelings about The Father Factor. From my family, my neighbours, to the street, to the bus, to the office, to church, to my friends’ homes I have gathered a lot.
Let’s look at what the Bible says about being a Father? Going through the Bible, I would want to dwell on Ephesians 6:4, which says: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” To me, this is an all-inclusive instruction to fathers touching on the negative and the positive.
First, it warns fathers not to “provoke” their children. What does this mean?
It simply means that Fathers should not and must not foster negativity in their children though unreasonable display of authority, irresponsibility, partiality, cruelty, unexemplary habits or lifestyles and most of all, violence towards the mothers of their children. It again says that fathers should not incite negative attitudes in their children as actions usually attract reactions. Why do I say this? Fathers who usually shout at or beat up their kids mercilessly at the least misbehaviour or mistake breed some kind of hatred in the hearts of these kids. As the kid grows, he tends to either bully others or disrespect and talk back to elderly people including his father, though in a few cases too, such a child will grow up timid and have low self esteem.
Now the positive side of the Bible verse, “but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”, simply tells fathers to admonish, educate, discipline or rebuke constructively, encourage and train their children using the principles of the word of God. Love being the ultimate should never be absent in a father’s dealings with his kids. They should patiently and objectively correct their children, when they go wayward. A father’s conduct should give cause to his children wanting to be with him and be like him (Good Role Modelling).
For a while now, I have been paying keen attention to the relationship between fathers and their kids, especially the reaction of the kids at the sight of their fathers or when they are together. It is so interesting the different reactions I see. From the undesirable to the most adorable and lovely one, all I could do was smile.
In the world of the most adorable as I put it, some fathers would have to struggle with their kids every day before they leave home for work because the kids won’t let them out of their sight. They would scream so hard that even their fathers found it difficult to leave and when they finally step out of the house, you would see “frustration” written all over their faces. They would miss their little ones when they are out there at work.
On days when father and child get to spend time together, child would be all over daddy’s laps and ask endless questions. Some of which daddy can answer and for others, he’d have to forge answers. One can see the display of in-depth love and joy as the child flashes his or her tiny teeth with giggles and smiles.
On the bus and in the church, daddy would let little one sit beside him and when it’s time for offertory, he would give the little one his or her share to offer. After stretching the little body in order to drop the offering in the bowl, the little one would come running happily to hug daddy’s legs.
The older ones would help daddy in fixing his bicycle or car or any faulty gadget, play games together or even argue over various issues especially, politics. It is just a humbling sight when you see a child apologising to the parents after daddy had patiently pointed out his or her wrongdoings. This is the ideal relationship between a father and his family.
Now, in the world of the undesirable however, there is always tension as daddy won’t even want to carry child when he or she is crying. He would rather “roar” at his teenage child who asks him for some money to purchase books or tries to be inquisitive about something.
The day this child mistakenly breaks something, his or her body will be redesigned with cane or belt marks. As for his wife, the mother of his children, she has no right to even defend her own child because she won’t be spared her own share of beatings when she just delays in making his meal ready. These fathers even hate it when their children offer to help them with something so he would not even create the atmosphere for conversations with his family. The effect of having such a father is quite obvious to us all. Either the cycle continues with their sons being bullies like them or timid and /or the daughters end up disliking men.
We do not need to allow the cycle of hatred and disrespect for fathers continue. Our men also have let go of the age old belief that: “A man has to be ugly and fearful.” Look, being fearful as a man does not afford you any respect; neither does it make you more powerful. To me it shows weakness hiding behind the mask of wickedness.
I therefore impress upon all men, young or old to work towards being a father to children, be it biological or not. Be the Father Factor to someone and most vices will be reduced in our society because love will be the basis of every child’s upbringing.
My understanding of who a FATHER should be is, He is:
- a Protector
- a Shelter
- a Guide
- a Counsellor
- a Teacher
- a Role Model
- a Pillar of Strength
- the Spring of Love
and
- the Root of all Existence
If all Fathers will live to religiously and sincerely play the above roles as they were originally mandated, nobody will have any excuse not to appreciate them as they should and Fathers’ Day celebrations will attract more participation than before.
STRIVE TO BE THE BEST FATHER GUYS....
Much Love & Peace
