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During my break however, I have had a wide range of experiences concerning the use if the internet to make friends. I have realised that lots of people including myself become skeptical about making friends on social media. In spite of an apparent and natural connection between the two individuals, there is still that tingly feeling that the other may be pretending to be what he or she is not.
This feeling, mutual or not, is nothing far from normal and is justified because out of experience and research, only 20 % or even less social media friendships last. Most of them are built on false identities and the falling apart begins as soon as one of the parties finds out something that seems to be a deviation from what he or she was made to believe about the other.
Someone may want to know those things that break these initially 'perfect' friendships. If you ask me, those issues should not really cause any trouble but humans as we are, 'little' lies, inconsistent and suspicious actions hurt us way beyond our imagination. I gather that the reasons that cause these somewhat great friendships to fall along the wayside include:
1. False claims of affluence(personal gains, family or occupation)
2. Lies about past relationships
3. Inconsistent residential information
4. Avoidance of public meetups
5. Secret habits that are later exposed
6. Hidden negative intentions / mischief
Before we go on, lets look at what the creation of Social Media was aimed at and it is then we can continue from where we stopped. In reference to Wikipedia, Social media refers to interaction among people in which they create, share, and/or exchange information and ideas in virtual communities and networks. From my point of view, social media I believe is a platform for:
1. Business Networking
2. Marketing
3. Harnessing Ideas
4. Rekindling lost relationships and friendships
5. Making new friends and the list goes on and on.
Well folks back to our main topic; starting and building new friendships through social network. Let me just use a probably common situation.
Imagine during your first meeting, your new friend tells you he or she went to one of the best Senior High Schools in the country and even goes on to say he has a very good job in a well-known establishment. A few months down the line his or her supposed former school's anniversary launch is announced. You then ask your friend if (s)he would attend and (s)he looks at you as if you had said something strange. You probe further and the response you get is: "what am I going to do there? I don't know anybody there." And when you remind him or her that you were made to believe (s)he was a past student , your friend then tries to play smart by either saying you weren't listening then or (s)he did not understand your question initially and then gives an excuse why (s)he cannot go.
The fact however is that these lies cannot be told forever and as petty or insignificant as the issue of school may seem, the insincerity alone injures the trust one has for the other friend.
This leaves more questions and doubts in the mind of the friend who finds out the truth about the other.
As for the job bit, I would not want to delve into that because it can be very disheartening.
Another issue that destroys friendships developed through social media is the tendency of landing in the traps of people with very bad motives or hidden agenda in befriending you in the first place. Don't forget when I say social media, I am referring to the likes of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, BBM, Whatsapp, LinkedIn, Delicious, Badoo and the list is endless.
Some people are purposely on social media to locate victims for their robbery, sexual exploitation and in extreme cases, murder. They create a very innocent, pleasant and trustworthy personality for themselves and carefully select their victims. These people can hang around their victims for as long as it takes the latter to be very comfortable and open to them and when the time seems right to them, they strike so hard at their victims that one would wonder if they were the same caring and fun-to-be-with persons some months or years back.
During a casual convo with a girlfriend of mine, she told me about an experience she had with someone she met on a social media. It was one story that made me know the importance of being cautious in relating to people we meet online.
She met a gentleman who seemed so caring and interested in her well being to the extent that she wondered if he was "real". She was very open-minded about their friendship; never harboring the intention of intimacy of any sort.
About a year into the friendship, he offered to assist her in her search for a job. About a week after his show of concern he told her to bring he Curriculum Vitae (CV) to him so he could give it to someone who needed an Assistant. As close as they had grown, she did not suspect any foul play so she decided to make it a visit as well since she had never been to his place.
To cut a long story short, the guy raped her. She couldn't speak to anyone about this and nursed her pain alone. As if that wasn't enough, he began calling her everyday, threatening to upload a video of the act on the internet if she didn't turn up at his house for another round with her. He gave her deadlines and kept calling her almost every minute to remind her of the consequences of her refusal to turn up. It was a long week of mental torture for her. She battled with the idea of going as demanded by the blackmailer. But as luck may have it she decided to speak to a friend about it. Through discussion with the friend, she realized the blackmailer did not have any video after all but intended to record a video when she turned up the second time.
With this insight she decided to use what I call the "Blackmail-the-blackmailer" method to get him off her back. In the end, he stopped calling her and it was confirmed that he did not have any video after all.
It is true that she got out of this for free but the "What If" question keeps popping up in my mind.
-What if he actually had the video?
-What if he had a deadly disease?
-What if he was using that act for a ritual?
and -What if he never stopped pestering her after her counter action?
It's for you to judge for yourselves.
I have personally had experiences with people who were just online for sexual and fraud reasons and there's no denying the fact that you my cherished reader has also had an experience with one or two of such people with evil intent, in your journey through social media. Even if you have not experienced such, you might have heard of the deaths of people and others being defrauded as a result of one acquaintance or the other he or she struck with someone on line.
I do not have the intention of scaring anyone but I still believe that there is another group of people on social media who use the platform for responsible and genuine activities like advertising their businesses, linking up with old and long lost friends, striking solid and profitable business acquaintances, building genuine love relationships and most importantly share ideas and learn new ideas. This group has however been overshadowed by the bad ones.
You may in some cases meet some really cool and genuine people who would cause you to keep asking yourself whether you really met them online. For me, some are a blessing and I won't trade their friendship for anything. Each and every passing day, they bring a new sensation into the friendship especially after a misunderstanding of some sort and till now I get confused about how and where I first met them.
My dear friends, making friends online is not bad, but motives and intents differ from one to another. The best you can do to keep out of trouble is to take care and make sure your friendships are healthy ones. As much as you are being open-minded, be smart and never take things for granted. Let your friends know their limits and don't make friends for the wrong reasons.
Use the Social Media wisely. See you all soon
2. Lies about past relationships
3. Inconsistent residential information
4. Avoidance of public meetups
5. Secret habits that are later exposed
6. Hidden negative intentions / mischief
Before we go on, lets look at what the creation of Social Media was aimed at and it is then we can continue from where we stopped. In reference to Wikipedia, Social media refers to interaction among people in which they create, share, and/or exchange information and ideas in virtual communities and networks. From my point of view, social media I believe is a platform for:
1. Business Networking
2. Marketing
3. Harnessing Ideas
4. Rekindling lost relationships and friendships
5. Making new friends and the list goes on and on.
Well folks back to our main topic; starting and building new friendships through social network. Let me just use a probably common situation.
Imagine during your first meeting, your new friend tells you he or she went to one of the best Senior High Schools in the country and even goes on to say he has a very good job in a well-known establishment. A few months down the line his or her supposed former school's anniversary launch is announced. You then ask your friend if (s)he would attend and (s)he looks at you as if you had said something strange. You probe further and the response you get is: "what am I going to do there? I don't know anybody there." And when you remind him or her that you were made to believe (s)he was a past student , your friend then tries to play smart by either saying you weren't listening then or (s)he did not understand your question initially and then gives an excuse why (s)he cannot go.
The fact however is that these lies cannot be told forever and as petty or insignificant as the issue of school may seem, the insincerity alone injures the trust one has for the other friend.
This leaves more questions and doubts in the mind of the friend who finds out the truth about the other.
As for the job bit, I would not want to delve into that because it can be very disheartening.
Another issue that destroys friendships developed through social media is the tendency of landing in the traps of people with very bad motives or hidden agenda in befriending you in the first place. Don't forget when I say social media, I am referring to the likes of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, BBM, Whatsapp, LinkedIn, Delicious, Badoo and the list is endless.
Some people are purposely on social media to locate victims for their robbery, sexual exploitation and in extreme cases, murder. They create a very innocent, pleasant and trustworthy personality for themselves and carefully select their victims. These people can hang around their victims for as long as it takes the latter to be very comfortable and open to them and when the time seems right to them, they strike so hard at their victims that one would wonder if they were the same caring and fun-to-be-with persons some months or years back.
During a casual convo with a girlfriend of mine, she told me about an experience she had with someone she met on a social media. It was one story that made me know the importance of being cautious in relating to people we meet online.
She met a gentleman who seemed so caring and interested in her well being to the extent that she wondered if he was "real". She was very open-minded about their friendship; never harboring the intention of intimacy of any sort.
About a year into the friendship, he offered to assist her in her search for a job. About a week after his show of concern he told her to bring he Curriculum Vitae (CV) to him so he could give it to someone who needed an Assistant. As close as they had grown, she did not suspect any foul play so she decided to make it a visit as well since she had never been to his place.
To cut a long story short, the guy raped her. She couldn't speak to anyone about this and nursed her pain alone. As if that wasn't enough, he began calling her everyday, threatening to upload a video of the act on the internet if she didn't turn up at his house for another round with her. He gave her deadlines and kept calling her almost every minute to remind her of the consequences of her refusal to turn up. It was a long week of mental torture for her. She battled with the idea of going as demanded by the blackmailer. But as luck may have it she decided to speak to a friend about it. Through discussion with the friend, she realized the blackmailer did not have any video after all but intended to record a video when she turned up the second time.
With this insight she decided to use what I call the "Blackmail-the-blackmailer" method to get him off her back. In the end, he stopped calling her and it was confirmed that he did not have any video after all.
It is true that she got out of this for free but the "What If" question keeps popping up in my mind.
-What if he actually had the video?
-What if he had a deadly disease?
-What if he was using that act for a ritual?
and -What if he never stopped pestering her after her counter action?
It's for you to judge for yourselves.
I have personally had experiences with people who were just online for sexual and fraud reasons and there's no denying the fact that you my cherished reader has also had an experience with one or two of such people with evil intent, in your journey through social media. Even if you have not experienced such, you might have heard of the deaths of people and others being defrauded as a result of one acquaintance or the other he or she struck with someone on line.
I do not have the intention of scaring anyone but I still believe that there is another group of people on social media who use the platform for responsible and genuine activities like advertising their businesses, linking up with old and long lost friends, striking solid and profitable business acquaintances, building genuine love relationships and most importantly share ideas and learn new ideas. This group has however been overshadowed by the bad ones.
You may in some cases meet some really cool and genuine people who would cause you to keep asking yourself whether you really met them online. For me, some are a blessing and I won't trade their friendship for anything. Each and every passing day, they bring a new sensation into the friendship especially after a misunderstanding of some sort and till now I get confused about how and where I first met them.
My dear friends, making friends online is not bad, but motives and intents differ from one to another. The best you can do to keep out of trouble is to take care and make sure your friendships are healthy ones. As much as you are being open-minded, be smart and never take things for granted. Let your friends know their limits and don't make friends for the wrong reasons.
Use the Social Media wisely. See you all soon
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