LOOKING BACK

A few minutes in a day, I get these flashbacks of events in the past. The feeling is a sensation of fear, nostalgia, sadness, ecstasy and sometimes extreme anger against myself or others or even situations I wish I had handled differently.

There are days I wake up and everything seems to be so perfect even when in reality, everything is upside down. Some special kind of joy bubbles up in me and it just feels as though I have the best life ever. During those moments, it's as if there are no outstanding bills to pay nor are there any deadlines to meet. It’s feels like there is nobody to hide from or avoid seeing.

Unfortunately, it doesn't take too long before the realities of life bounce back into my face literally causing me to jump back in fear or confusion.  It sometimes takes awhile to get back on track especially when my head is so deep inside the clouds of fantasy, enjoying the moment.

But you see, angry as I may be, disappointing as it may seem, I must face the realities of life squarely.

Going down memory lane, I remember every morning my brother and I would walk through a bushy pathway to school. Little as I was, I saw every tree and grass as very tall and big. We would usually saunter along the path to school though sometimes my brother would literally have to drag my crying self to school.

If my memory serves me right, I remember doing some painting works in kindergarten, where we were allowed to draw any pattern of our choice using little paint brushes which we dipped in tins filled with different colours of paint. We'd make a mess with the paint probably thinking in our tiny brains that we were drawing the most beautiful pictures.

 I enjoyed the moments when during break, we would all rush out to play on the heaps of sand on the school compound, probably meant for construction purposes. We would run up to the top of the heaps and slide down to the bottom. It was so much fun though once in a while you would hear one of us cry out so loud and that would mark the end of the sliding fun for the day.

As little as she had, my mom would pack my lunch box nicely. I couldn't wait for our teacher to tell us it was break time. My lunchbox was usually filled with some warm chocolate, what we usually call <Milo> with carefully sliced egg sandwiches. Other times it was oiled rice or yam chips. I simply loved taking out the lunch mum took her time to pack for me, when I’m with my playmates. One important thing that was never left out was a water bottle. Hmm...please don't laugh at me oo, I think that may be the reason why I still can't do without my water bottle, which I carry with me almost every time  I step out of home.

My first day in Class 1 was not too memorable since I had to meet new kids and try to get accustomed to sitting on my own table which was passed on to me by my brother who had outgrown it. It was my most cherished property till I got to class three. I refused to let it go even when we were moving to another town where I could have easily gotten a new one made for me.
Looking back, I wish time had not flown so fast. I remember the day I had my first fight with a classmate when I was in Class 3. It feels like just yesterday. The days I was painted in calamine lotion when I was down with measles remain embossed in my memory. Dad walks into our living room looking so worried just to see how his little girl is doing.  Oh my God, it felt like heaven just seeing him around.

My friends couldn't hide their amusement when they saw my whole body covered in this white lotion. They teased and teased my poor self, giggling as they said I looked like a ghost. But all the same, that moment also passed like the wind.

Oh dear! Can I ever stop somewhere?

The memories just come rushing back as I run my fingers over this keyboard. Now I am convinced beyond all possible or reasonable doubts (whichever way it is said) that Time indeed waits for no man.

They aren't all rosy, smooth and beautiful....the memories I mean. There were difficult and gloomy days. There were those days which if given the chance today, I would have done things differently.

Like most young girls, I also had my fair share relationships with the opposite sex. Mummy would speak about being careful of friends and the young boys. Morning devotions were not devoid of the many admonishments and advice whatsoever. Tried as I could, I was someway  somehow navigated into infatuations I thought was love. I had the choice to avoid those situations but nobody knows what kind of music clouds the youthful mind. During those periods, one’s sense of judgement and intuition appears dead beyond resurrection. Even the <wrongest> step or action looks so pure and whitewashed.

To be frank the adolescent stage isn't all about the physical changes we see oo my dear readers. The young one is virtually on a battlefield that could go a long way to shape or unshape his future. That field was a hot one for me..... At least that’s all I can say about it for now, reserving the details for later.

Moving on, the struggles to meet up academic demands were not left out. The sleepless nights when I had to still study in spite of the health challenges, the near-death experiences and all the miscellaneous problems, are those periods I couldn't be more grateful to God for. He showed he still cared no matter my flaws.

Those wonderful young girls at the time and the teacher who for the belief they had in my capabilities went out of their way to get me registered for my final exams while I was fighting for survival in the hospital bed; to them, I am eternally grateful.

In fact looking back, there are too many memories I still hold dear. There will definitely be a continuation of this blog but in order not to bore you with too many past events, I will put some suspenders here.

One thing is for sure however and that is the fact that what I seek to achieve by doing this “LOOKING BACK” is to show that Life treats each and everyone differently. We all have an array of experiences that seem to be past but tend to replay in our minds simply because they all have some special significance in our existence. The low moments I experienced taught me to face my problems squarely and not crumble under their (problems’) weight. My moments of shine have also taught me how to manage any excellence I am privileged to attain.

LIFE is simply a teacher who decides which lesson he'd give to his students at any given time. The onus however remains on each student to strive for the best reward by working towards an A+.REACH FOR THE SKIES AND YOU'D SEE BEYOND IT!!!